I’m having one of those Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Days. It’s a culmination of the two previous days and a crappy slow commute this morning. Well, I suppose it’s not all that terrible – I didn’t get hurt or robbed or evicted or anything. I’m healthy, despite a slightly scratchy throat. I just feel blah. It’s the kind of day where I need to vent. Some things are just driving me nuts, and I’m not entirely sure why. They just are. So I’m going to get them off my chest, and then I’m going to remind myself of some things I love and wash my hands of my bad mood. Or try to, anyway.
What I Hate this week:
Talking About Weight
This irks me so much. My company had a mandatory furlough the first week of the year (except for finance people, i.e. me), so this is the first few days many people have been back in the office in three or so weeks. Everyone is talking about weight. How much they lost, how much they gained, blaming their holidays appetites and swearing by New Year’s Resolutions. I’m so exhausted by it. Can’t we talk about anything else? When did we all get so boring that the only way we can relate to other people is by bitching about our dress size? I seriously don’t care that Susie in GL lost three pounds. I swear I’m not bitter that I haven’t lost weight. I’m not exactly trying (though I have been successful in making better choices) – whether or not I should is not the debate here. Technically, since I don’t weigh myself, I wouldn’t know if I did anyway. All I’m saying is that I’m tired of hearing about it.
Well, one in particular. I know she probably means well, but she doesn’t seem to know when her opinion isn’t needed. I’m incredibly frustrated with Clover and her stubborn attitude toward house breaking. I feel like I’m failing at this thing that should be so simple, or at least was the last time I had to do it. I don’t know what else to do and feel as though I’m being judged by her vet and trainer for having an almost-5-month-old puppy who still has daily accidents. Trust me, I’m not thrilled with it either! I’m also exhausted thanks to The Littlest Furball’s wake-up time, so I’m feeling all-over edgy. My coworker decided to put in her two cents about what I should do, claiming I should just leave her in the bathroom with a newspaper. Uh huh, sure. Sounds great. That’s why we got a dog: to leave it in the bathroom. And having a dog that pees on every newspaper it ever comes across (since that’s what you’re training it to do) sounds like a real fun time. She tells me she “crate trained” her dogs too, which as it turns out is pretty much the opposite of what actual crate training is. She also rubs her dogs' nose in their accidents. So not only is her bathroom idea stupid, she has no clue what she’s talking about. I’m amazed she has dogs and that they don’t crap all over her house. Then yesterday, I mentioned that I was going to make a delicious and protein filled chicken/black bean tamale casserole. I know that corn, tortillas, and cheese are not the greatest things in the world, but you know what? I could do a lot worse. And it’s homemade, which I feel beats restaurant choices any day. Anyway, she (who, by the way, is one of the weight-talkers above who has been scale-stagnant since I met her) starts in on the perils of cheese (at least I always buy low- or non- fat, thanks to my gall bladder) and carbs. But she’s the first one at my desk when I bring in cookies or brownies. Go figure.
I’m tired of it. I want cute things to wear on both my body and my feet, but don’t feel confident enough in my fashion sense to branch out from my staples of boring shoes, dress pants and solid color tops and sweaters. I feel like the most boring dresser in the office. Every day, I feel like I’m choosing between the lesser of two ugly evils to wear. But as I said, I don’t feel confident walking into a store and picking out new things that will enhance my wardrobe and pump up my style quotient a few notches. Not to mention, new clothes cost money. Even though I’m a tight-wad when it comes to clothing, with Dan now down a job and us adjusting to our new combined income, I hardly find new clothes a responsible expenditure. Wow, I’m really growing up.
The “let’s fool the boys” Facebook Statuses
Starting sometime late last week, girls were posting bra colors as their status: "blue," "black," "hot pink polka dot." It was supposed to be a secret amongst the girls and baffling to the boys. Stumping the boys worked, but you’d be hard pressed to find a girl who could keep the joke secret that day. And why did we (I admit, I did, only I said my “color” was “edible”) do this? Some of us were led to believe that it was for breast cancer awareness. Others said the status trend was the work of an evil genius. Proving the latter, the next day’s instruction was to post how you wear your hair using provocative phrases (oooh, “on top,” so risqué). The last message I got told me to post my shoe size in inches with either a happy or smiley face. Dumb. Totally lame, and freaking stupid. And now they won’t stop. I’ve got friends trying to start their own cleverness. I liked Facebook better when you had to have a college email to sign up.
What I Love this week:
My food choices
Despite my supposedly horrible choice to include cheese and corn in my diet, I’m sticking to my resolution and I have made better choices this week. Less soda, less processed/convenient food, less sugar. More fruit, more water, more protein. I’m also taking longer walks with Clover and Paisley, sneaking in 10 or 15 more minutes of moving each time we go out. It's a start. I also heard about a 6 mile mud run in April, so I'm formulating a program to work toward the goal of completing it.
Friendships at work
I really do have some good buddies at work, and I’m being invited to do more and more outside the office. A couple girls invited me to go snow-boarding, and a larger group asked me to join them for happy hour. Even at the office though, some of these girls keep me sane. When I need to walk away from the computer for a bit, I can guarantee a visit with them will have me in better spirits when I return.
I’m super excited about getting my large tattoo this weekend. It’s what’s got me pushing through the week. I think it’s going to be beautiful, and although it will be painful, I’m looking forward to getting it done. It’s my first large piece designed just for me, rather than chosen from a wall (though Dan did design my paisley tattoo, it’s very small). I’m excited to be getting ink that will represent me and my husband.
Of course I always love him, even when I’m having a terrible horrible no good very bad day. But he gave me some company this morning. Clover woke up at 4:45. I took her out and came back in and who was on the couch but Dan. Last night, tired and having just sprayed our soiled yet again, I told him that I felt like I was failing at house-breaking and that I was the only one who lost sleep because of our puppy. So this morning, he dragged himself out of bed to feel the pain with me. I honestly was just venting to him out of frustration that every morning I get up no matter when Clover does and take care of her while trying to get ready, while he sleeps blissfully until 6:45 and then is out the door in 10 minutes. I never intended or expected him to do such a thing as get up early with me, though. But it was nice to not be the only one awake and thinking about the big comfy bed on the other side of the bedroom door. I made us bowls of cereal and he turned on last night’s recorded episode of Teen Mom for me. We actually had ourselves a nice little time at 5:30am. Most meaningful of all, it showed me that he acknowledges and appreciates that I do sacrifice sleep to care for our pup.
Aaahhhh, that feels much better. Thanks for listening.