Friday, March 16, 2012

Show Us Your Life: Infertility

I'd already posted once today and then saw that Kelly's Korner is featuring infertility stories in her Show Us Your Life series today. So, if you're coming here from there, welcome! This isn't an infertility blog - it's about our life since we got engaged, and infertility just happens to be a part of it.

Our story (the short version): my husband, Dan, and I started trying for our first child in April 2010, when we'd been married 6 months. I charted my temps to know my cycle and time our trying to the best of our ability. We had no luck in the first 12 months, which made us eligible for infertility testing. What they found is a progesterone deficiency with me as well as issues with my husband. We later got further info that I've kept private here (if you're dealing with MFI, though, and would like to email me about it, I'm happy to elaborate in private) that made treatment much more difficult. We were told we could try IUI, but that IVF with ICSI would be our best bet. Even for IUI, we'd need a vast improvement and that private little issue I mentioned makes improvement a costly balancing act (for us, due to insurance) and unlikely that IUI would truly be successful.

After weighing our options, chances, and costs, we decided that we were going to walk away from trying to conceive. We're not open to IVF (this was discussed even prior to our first RE appointment), and adoption just isn't for us (though it's wonderful for families who choose that route - we're not anti-adoption in general). So we've chosen to be childfree and make the most of our marriage and life together. We're not risk takers, and the low rates of success made the high costs hard to justify. It's not an easy decision to make, but we're confident it was the right decision for us. We're just thankful to be on the same page.

So technically, we're not going through infertility (treatment), yet we live it every day. We experience the same heartache and feelings of inadequacy that couples going through treatment cycles do. I go to therapy to deal with that stuff, and my husband, friends, and family are incredibly supportive. I identify strongly as "infertile" and hope to someday work to raise awareness and support for couples facing similarly difficult decisions.

To see my posts regarding infertility, click HERE

For some reading on choosing childfree living after infertility, check out Sweet Grapes by Jean and Michael Carter


Anonymous said...

Found you through Kelly's Blog - I think my husband and I are thinking of childfree too, but I didn't want to put that out on my blog, because we haven't told our families that yet! It's nice to know that I'm not alone!

CrysHouse said...

We haven't completely decided to live child-free, but I understand your stance on IVF and adoption. I prayed for you as I read through your blog.

teacherJillK said...

I completely identify with your choice and have just recently realized that my husband and I will be child free, too. It's hard and can be lonely, so I thank you for being brave enough to talk about it. It's not an easy choice.
I look forward to keeping up with your blog and experiencing this "journey" with you! :)

Ashley said...

Visiting from Kelly's Korner... My husband and I have been working through infertility for over 5 years now. We also chose not to go the IVF route but we felt God lead us to adoption. While it definitely wasn't something we ever planned on doing it has been the biggest blessing in our lives. God's plans were different than ours but so much better!