Thursday, June 30, 2011

The bigger piece

After waiting a week that felt like a heck of a lot longer, we got Dan's test results yesterday. They weren't good. Like, really not good. Without going into specific numbers, if the issues can't be corrected through changes in diet, supplements, and vitamins, we'd be looking at IVF as our only option, along with a special procedure to manually fertilize the egg first. And the chances are even more slim than for a regular IVF. And I'm not being all worst case scenario dramatic. These are researchable (read: google-able) facts that also appear right on the test results. Until we see the specialist, I don't know what we're looking at if we're able to correct the problems.

I'm equal parts hopeful for resolution through the RE and the help of a urologist, devastated, and numb. I have so many thoughts in my head. Part of me refuses to let the gravity of it set in before we see the specialist and know for sure what the options are. The other part of me is in panic mode. Mostly, I don't want to freak Dan out. I know how I felt that our troubles were all my fault when I got my results, and I don't want him to feel that way. I married him for him, and we'll take life as it comes. Together. But we're facing a very real possibility that there may not be biological children for us. I had hoped that my issues were all we'd be facing, but it turns out that there's a bigger piece to this puzzle.

8 comments:

BrownEyedGirlsMom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BrownEyedGirlsMom said...

Don't go to panic mode ... wait and see what the specialist says ... thinking of you buddy!!!

Chardonnay said...

I'm SO sorry to hear this. It's not fair! It's really not and I know that you WILL be the most amazing parents. Sending good juju your way!!

Shana said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, but I think you shouldn't panic until you speak to the specialist. And you should remember that miracles do happen. I will be keeping my fingers crossed that the specialist will have some good news for you.

400 Wakeups said...

Oh darlin'...I know you are panicked. I know that the wait-and-see is torture. And right now I'm thinking that the only thoughts you have are baby thoughts. And what if thoughts. So my best advice is to distract yourself until you guys can go see the specialist. Do whatever you love all weekend long and try not to play out all of the worst case scenarios (which, y'know..is EXACTLY how I would spend my holiday weekend...well if A) doesn't work then we'll do B) but if that doesn't work then what should we do for C)??) It's so hard to not go there but it's not time yet. I have enough hope for both of you. And remember if it's a bad day, just write about it and let us love on you. Whatever it is, we're here to support you and help you get through it. xoxo

Dee Stephens said...

Just found you through Cindy. Hoping for the best. Stay positive. We've just moved onto a fertility specialist ourselves after doing 2 months of Clomid.

Brooke said...

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. No matter what, we're going to be okay. Thank you for having hope for us.

Amanda @ It's Blogworthy said...

Oh Brooke, I'm so sorry that you found this out. I know it has to be really devastating...but you're right that you're in it together...and your relationship will be stronger in the end...and I don't know what else to say except you're in my thoughts!