I'm pretty sure I mentioned that I have a coworker (whom I call by the code name Bile Chimps) who's completely socially inept and chooses his cubicle as his preferred place to groom himself. In case you don't know, the office is not the appropriate place to trim your nails. I can understand a broken nail or a cuticle that needs to be clipped, but I'm talking full on grooming. This coworker clips his nails at least once a week - all 10 fingers, one disgusting clip at a time. And it's loud. Mrs. ESPN and I exchange giggles and disgusted IMs every time he does it (he sits between us). The nastierst part, for me, is that his nails are still long. Like snort coke or strum a guitar with them long. And men should not have long nails. It's just... icky.
So anyway, we contemplated how to get it to stop. We considered rational actions like leaving an anonymous note or just saying something face-to-face. And then, the evil got the better of us and while Mrs. ESPN was on a business trip last week, the idea of super gluing them shut was presented to her. So this morning, before Bile got here, we attempted it. Unfortunately, there wasn't a significant contact point on the nail clippers to glue them (and trust me, I was disgusted by the fact that I had to touch them). Thankfully, though, we have other cunning coworkers who are equally annoyed by the clipping and who also have great ideas and evil sides. The solution? We glued them to the tray inside Bile's desk drawer.
WINNING. The only thing missing, as Mrs. ESPN pointed out, was "We're not gonna take it!" playing in the background.
Unfortunately, Bile goes to Vegas next week (which is another thing that we've been getting kicks out of all week - I've made a drinking game of doing accruing shots every time he mentions "Vegas"), and he just clipped yesterday, so we won't get to see the reaction until the week after. I have no clue how I'll keep a straight face if he says something, but it's bound to be epic.