Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Hey, June, don't let me down

Seriously, how is it mid-June already? It's insane how quickly this year is flying by. I love June, though. It's my birthday month, which is rad, but this year there are some extra awesome things about it. I'm not doing resolutions like I did in May, but there are some exciting things I wanted to put out there, and there are some things I'm remembering from last year as this month passes that I've got on my shoulders, too.

We'll get the junky stuff out of the way first. June is a rough month for me mentally thanks to infertility. Just like Mother's Day, Father's Day is a day that reminds me that there's something missing. I so often think to myself what an amazing dad Dan would be - it's not a longing to change our path, just an acknowledgement of what an incredible man he is. It's not as much of a personal sting as Mother's Day was (I still humbly think I deserve a medal for leaving the house that day), but there is a looming feel to it. I love my dad so much and want him to have a wonderful day, but I'd be straight-up lying if I said I wasn't sad we're not celebrating Dan being the father of human babies, too.

June last year also marked the results of our testing - I found out about my hormone deficiency early in the month, and that was rough, but it was just getting started. Later in June, the day after my 30th birthday, we got the crushing blow about Dan's IF. It was awful, and I honestly don't know how long it will take before I don't associate the two. I hope not forever, but I really have no idea. For me, my 30th birthday feels like the last day of our carefree, hopeful time of trying to have a family. Don't get me wrong - I'll be forever grateful I didn't get that call on my birthday, but they're still tied in my mind. I can't and won't ignore how much the memory of that day still impacts me (and us).

Thankfully, I know that at least those days won't happen again this year. I only have to deal with the memory, and I know from this past year that time does heal, and June 29th won't be as sucky.

Okay, now to the good stuff. Obviously, my birthday! I LOVE birthdays, particularly mine. I think it's amazing that everyone gets a special day to be remembered and celebrated. I'm always excited when June rolls around and I can start looking forward to a little (or big) celebration. It'll be low-key this year, but I'm looking forward to time with family and friends and the fun I have looking forward to another year.

I also get to go to Chicagoland to see my dear friend, Kari, and meet her baby a week from today! I am so incredibly excited! We don't have a ton of plans for my visit, but there will be some Chicago-exploring and some shopping. The weather looks like it's going to be beautiful, which is just awesome, as it's been well over 100 here every day for a little while now.

AND! I have some wonderful news! I've accepted a new position with my company and will be starting that soon! I've done tax stuff since I graduated from college, and it's been wearing on me for a while. My department is small, my duties haven't grown, and I've been restless. Finally, I'm branching out and taking a role where I'll get to learn more about the bottom line here, and it'll be great exposure and experience for me to figure out what I want to do in the long-term. It doesn't hurt that the team I'm joining is just awesome, and I really like my new manager - they even had a lunch out yesterday to welcome me :)

So really, my birthday month is set to be pretty great - some fabulous things are happening, and some bad memories will soon have a year behind them. I've got high hopes. Hey, June, don't let me down.

1 comment:

Allyson said...

Crap..sleeping cat just deleted my entire comment with her foot. Argh.

Where was I?? Oh yes. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, love! I love Birthday Month and I hope Chicago is the perfect hostess to you! She can be a bit bitchy in the summer, but usually not until August.

Also, I absolutely understand date association. Shep passed away one week after my birthday and then one week after that is our wedding anniversary. September has become such a roller coaster ride. I can't say if it's always going to be that way as I'm only 3 years in, but I would be lying if I said I didn't start September with some trepidation every year. As women, though, I think we tend to associate events and dates a lot more than men. Sometimes it's best to just embrace it instead of ignoring it. We are trying to develop a tradition for each 15 Sept that I can actually look forward to. Perhaps something completely kid-unfriendly for you on those days?

May your birthday be as fabulous as you are and your gifts be numerous.