Obsessions

Do you ever have a moment where you're teling someone about something totally obscure and then realize, "holy shit, I'm a nerd?" Well, I've had a few of those moments lately, when I realize that I'm talking about people or things like I actually know them. That or I just realize all of a sudden that I'm spending a lot of time doing or talking about something. And then I realize I've become.... obsessed.

Example A:

Words for Friends. Since getting my new phone last month, I've downloaded some apps. Of course, I got Angry Birds, Fruit Ninja, and Talking Tom (which Mrs. ESPN informed me that her 7-year-old daughter was already over). But one app that I was psyched beyond belief about was Words for Friends. I heard about it on Twitter, and didn't even know what it was, though it should have been obvious. It's Scrabble, y'all. Played in real time with friends (or strangers). So far, I've played some 20 games, and I've lost quite a few. But I'm pretty hooked on it. The downside: I'm pretty sure some of my friends think I'm dumb.

Example 2:

Poz and Infekt. This is our friend/wedding photographer's friends' band. They started out as a metal band with another name, and decided to do a comedic hip hop album as kind of a joke. Joke's on them though, because they got signed with a label for their album "Not Coattails to Ride." You should check them out on iTunes and on the Twitter (@pozandinfekt) because they're hilarious. Honestly, there isn't a bad song on the whole album. Back when Dan and I went to their concert(s) last month, we had the best time. They played a show at an outdoor venue, then got called by a bar to come do a set. We followed them to the bar, and my friend Nicole and I literally danced through the whole gig. THEN... there's more! We all decided to go to In N Out, and the guys put on an impromtu show in the parking lot. Seriously, it was a fun night.

Example orange:

Toddlers and Tiaras. It's no real secret that I love this show, but I found myself explaining the crowning process to a coworker the other day and realized I might have a problem. Yeah yeah, I know. It's "tasteless" and it turns little girls into prostitots in crazy outfits, but that's not even why I love it. I love it for the moms. They are cuh-razy. They cry more than the kids do. I also watch for the melt-downs, because there is nothing more awesome than 4-year-old Mackenzie screaming for her "ni ni." And when the kid I'm rooting for to win Ultimate Grand Centerfold Princess Banana Supreme, I feel happy inside.

Example 4:

Teen Mom 3. I cannot. Can. Not. Tell you how happy it made me to see that the original teen moms (Maci, Amber, Farrah, and Catelynn) were coming back this season. I love them. Trash box Amber, who dates guys she meets at "Wally" and pretty much obligates MTV to give info on domestic violence? Love her. Maci, who dates a guy who really does look slow but does pretty much right by her son? Love her. Farrah, oh dear sweer Farrah, who makes me love a good ugly cry and whose baby is lucky to have no broken a bone yet from being left alone on the couch? Love her. She needs some parenting classes or even just some old fashioned awareness at times, but love her. And Catelynn, who made the tough decision to give her daughter up for adoption and is part of the cutest and most mature teen couple in reality TV? How do you not love her? I just love the show, and I look forward to it every week. And maybe I follow all of them on Twitter...

So yeah, I'm obsessed with a pretty random mix of things right now. But hey, they keep me entertained and off the streets, right? What are you obsessed with lately?

Our fourth 4th

This 4th of July marked our fourth Independence Day together. We always seem to have good memories on 4th of July. There's always good food, some fireworks, and a relaxing day. It's like a little piece of heaven tucked in the middle of summer, just for us.

Our first may have been my favorite, just because it was the first. We had only been dating about 6 weeks. We went to Rustler's Rooste, a restaurant a couple miles from what would become our apartment, up on a hill overlooking the valley. It didn't dawn on us that all of Phoenix would decide it was the perfect spot, too. We only waited an hour for a table, but I found out later Dan hadn't eaten since breakfast. He was very quiet and now I know why - that's how he gets when he's hungry, and how I can tell we've waited too long. We hadn't been very affectionate to that point. I knew I liked him a lot after my birthday, and it was the first time we'd seen each other since my party at Dave & Buster's. A couple of times, I tried to put an arm around him, and though he didn't brush me away, he didn't reciprocate much either. Lucky for him, I saw something under the shy exterior that I really liked. It would only be a matter of weeks after that 4th of July that he'd come out of his shell and show me he was into me, too.

The next 4th of July, we were engaged. That's crazy to think about. Dan's brother and his girlfriend (now wife) came to town and we spend the whole 4th of July weekend swimming, drinking our favorite beer, and eating delicious food with the guys' friends. We packed up Paisley and stayed at my in-laws' the whole weekend. On the evening of the 4th, we all loaded up into the back of my father-in-law's truck and drove to an empty lot to watch fireworks. Our friends' son was in complete awe of the show and it was so much fun to watch his excitement.

Our third 4th of July was quieter. My brother-in-law didn't make his summer visit that weekend, so it was just me and Dan, the in-laws and some friends. More swimming, more good food, more tasty beverages. It was so hot, to the point where we didn't get out of the pool much and were content to watch the fireworks from the water.

Yesterday wasn't too much different from last year, except it was just us most of the day. We slept in and took our time removing ourselves from the couch. We went to lunch at a favorite restaurant, then came home and fell asleep on the couch, with the pups curled around us. After debating what to do for an hour or so, we loaded up the pups, packed our swimsuits, and headed over to the in-law's for steaks, Yahtzee, and swimming. The brilliant state of Arizona decided to legalize the sale of non-projectile fireworks, so we were treated to the sounds of neighbors trying to set their yards on fire for a good 2 hours before the actual fireworks started. We got home just in time to put on PJs and settle into bed. Our laziest 4th of July yet, but also one of the most content. It was wonderful to spend the day with my husband and top it off with the usual 4th of July goodness.

How was your 4th of July?

The bigger piece

After waiting a week that felt like a heck of a lot longer, we got Dan's test results yesterday. They weren't good. Like, really not good. Without going into specific numbers, if the issues can't be corrected through changes in diet, supplements, and vitamins, we'd be looking at IVF as our only option, along with a special procedure to manually fertilize the egg first. And the chances are even more slim than for a regular IVF. And I'm not being all worst case scenario dramatic. These are researchable (read: google-able) facts that also appear right on the test results. Until we see the specialist, I don't know what we're looking at if we're able to correct the problems.

I'm equal parts hopeful for resolution through the RE and the help of a urologist, devastated, and numb. I have so many thoughts in my head. Part of me refuses to let the gravity of it set in before we see the specialist and know for sure what the options are. The other part of me is in panic mode. Mostly, I don't want to freak Dan out. I know how I felt that our troubles were all my fault when I got my results, and I don't want him to feel that way. I married him for him, and we'll take life as it comes. Together. But we're facing a very real possibility that there may not be biological children for us. I had hoped that my issues were all we'd be facing, but it turns out that there's a bigger piece to this puzzle.

Dirty

Well, this is it. The Dirty Thirty. I've arrived. It's kinda fabulous. I woke up feeling a little extra cougar-y today, considering that for the next 4 months, I can say my husband is 26. Rowr.

My weekend was awesome. Better than I could have even asked for. The party Mrs. ESPN threw for me was so much fun. We had absolutely delicious food, tasty drinks (many tasty drinks) and great friends. I was even surprised by my cousins and aunt who drove up from Tucson. I got some awesome gifts - I get to shop at Target, Pier 1, and Kohl's. Oh, and Starbucks. How can I not love that? My mom framed the front page of the Tucson paper from the day I was born. Leave it Mom to give me the gift that makes me teary. My girls from The Bump sent me a unicorn pillow pet, which was just awesome.

All around, it was a great day of celebrating. I feel so blessed to have such a great friend in Mrs. ESPN, and I felt humbled that so many people came to celebrate with me or send me messages. My Facebook wall got blown.up, people. I have some truly amazing people in my life.

Today, I'm heading out to spend some gift cards, doing some laundry (it's gotta get done) and working on the arrangement for my gallery wall. I spent a gift card yesterday picking up some frames, and my gift from my mom gave me the kick in the pants I needed to get to work on displaying our memories. I'm not sure how it'll turn out, but it'll be a fun project. Tonight, I think we're going to dinner, or possibly cooking together. I'm not sure if Dan has decided. No matter what though, it'll be perfect, I know that much.

Good-bye, 20's. It's been real

This weekend is my last as a 20-something. That's kind of hard for me to believe. Looking back at what I remember from being a 20-year-old, I'm amazed at all that's changed. There have been amazing times and not so amazing times, I've endured and I've triumphed. I've gained some amazing friends, while other friendships have fallen to the wayside. I've loved and I've lost. It's amazing to think back on what I've accomplished in 10 years:

• I made the decision to leave Northern Arizona University and my pre-optometry major (what, you didn't think I've always dreamed of being a tax analyst, did you?)




• I was a psychology major for one semester at The University of Arizona before taking an accounting class, which led to my third and final major choice




• While in college, I worked as many as three jobs at once, including a propeller hat-wearing kiddie photographer, a paint-your-own-pottery store assistant manager, an American Eagle clothing seller, and a waitress.




• The summer before my final year of school, my parents helped me buy a condo, hence the many jobs, and I have been on my own ever since.




• I joined the International Fraternity of Delta Sigma Pi, and served as VP of Pledge Education my last semester while finishing school and working full time




• I graduated with a BSBA in Accounting from the University of Arizona




• I moved to Phoenix and started my first job, where I met Mrs. ESPN and got to travel the Western US




• During my time at my traveling job, I went to Denver, Boise, LA, Seattle, San Francsico, and Nashville.




• I went on three road trips: from San Diego to Napa on the PCH, Tucson to Rochester NY, and Tucson to Seattle




• I traveled to Denver to visit a friend and former coworker and went to the Mile High Music Festival, where we saw Tom Petty, O.A.R., Jason Mraz, Flobots, Flogging Molly, and John Mayer. I actually missed the headliner, Dave Matthews, to fly back home.




• I've been through 4 cars: a Toyota Tercel, a Nissan Pathfinder, a Nissan Altima, and my current Nissan Murano




• I lived in 6 apartments in 5 years, which means my dad also accomplished a lot of heavy lifting




• I adopted Paisley, and learned what it was like to have to truly take care of another living being
  
  


• I discovered a love for baking and decorating, and have since made 2 wedding cakes and countless dozens of cookies and cupcakes.




• I met and married my amazing husband and "I" became "we"




• We adopted Clover
  



• I earned my graduate degree in Taxation through the online program at The University of Tulsa and celebrated with a staycation at a resort.
  



• We bought our first home and began trying to start our family
  

And that's just the stuff I can think of off hand. It's amazing the changes a decade brings. I'm excited for the weekend, and saying good-bye to my 20's. Mrs. ESPN is graciously hosting a party for me at her house, and I'm excited to see friends and family, hang out with everyone, and have some beverages and delicious food.

It's been great, 20's. Thank you to my awesome friends and family for making this past decade amazing. Here's to 30!

Never had a chance

I'm not even in a state to sugar coat this, so here it goes. I got some bad test results today. I found out that I'm highly deficient (as in 20% of the optimal unmedicated level) in the hormone that's responsible for supporting early pregnancy. Symptoms I've experienced support the results. Basically, even if we'd managed to achieve conception, my body was not going to support the embryo to result in a successful pregnancy.

Today was rough. I got a message from the doctor's office that my results came back "normal." However, upon actually receiving the results, my heart sank. I knew what the "goal" number was, and I was waaaay below. I called back to leave a message that I disagreed with the "normal" assessment, only to be told that my doctor signed off on it and reiterated her opinion that my levels were fine. Um. No. Not acceptable, and I knew I didn't agree with her analysis. Upon walking in the door at home and seeing my sweet husband, I burst into tears and let open the flood gates I'd been holding in all day.

This is a fixable issue, I should say that I'm thankful for that. I am. But there is still mourning. I mourn the carefree thinking that we would just easily have a baby. I mourn the element of surprise for me, for Dan, for our parents. I mourn for the thought that there may have been babies that never had a chance. That's the worst. That's what causes the big fat tears in the steaming hot shower. I know we had to go through the last year of trying to be able to get here to get this information, but it feels like a year wasted. A year of chances that never were.

So what's the next step? We have more testing to do, for both of us. At my appointment with the specialist in July, I'll likely be given supplements of the deficient hormone, and possibly other fertility drugs to correct the issue. Like I said, this is fixable. I know it could be far worse. I'm hoping this is the only issue, though I know that the remaining tests could raise other issues. But we'll deal with them. I debated whether to wish for no issues or for something we could point a finger at. Well, we got something to point a finger at. Now we have to resolve it. Hopefully, I respond well to the supplements and we get that chance we need. In the meantime, it's just me and him.

Meal Plan Monday: 6/6

Here's what we're having this week. So new stuff, some oldies-but-goodies. Hopefully, they'll all be crowd Dan pleasers.

Monday: Brats and sweet potatoes. Yummmmy! I could have sweet potatoes every day if I let me.

Tuesday: Meatloaf and broccoli

Wednesday: Chicken piccata and asparagus

Thursday: Turkey stuffed peppers

Friday: Shredded BBQ chicken sandwiches

We didn't eat out once this weekend, and I'm actually challenging myself to do it again. By loading some bigger meals toward the end of the week, we should have a variety of leftovers through the weekend.

My Big Fat Favorite Trainwreck

I have a new love in terms of reality television. At least until the start of the new season of Toddlers and Tiaras, that is. Have any of you see My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding? You need to, pronto, because it is possibly the most giddily ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Even more ridiculous than my my favorite episode of Outrageous Kid Parties and Lady Gaga's meat dress combined. For reals.

Now, unfortunately, I didn't take notes, so this won't be like a true recap, but I'm going to give you the run-down and the basics of what's been shown so far. MBFGW is a UK show highlighting the awesomeness of Romani gypsies and Irish Travellers. The basics: they're devout Catholics, which surprised the bajeezus out of me, considering their reputation for shenanigans and some other things I'll get to. But basically, the big moments in their lives are Chistenings, First Communions, and weddings. I mean, they go alllll out for this stuff. Second: it's a man's world. The women are expected to be housewives and travel at the whim of their husbands. Third: they really are fairly nomadic, yet they sometimes settle for years. However, even when settled, their homes are mobile. And get this: they don't believe in having toilet facilities in their homes. So they live in pottiless trailers. Lastly: because of their religious convictions, they don't believe in pre-marital boot-knocking, and they tend to marry young. Young as in, one girl was 20 and was "relatively old" to be getting married.

So how are these gypsies any more interesting than your average semi-homeless God fearing people? I present you with photographic evidence.

This first wedding dress actually has LED lights and motorized butterflies in it and weighed about 70 pounds. The dress maker was so worried about it catching on fire that she carried around a fire extinguisher for good measure. Thankfully it wasn't needed.



These next two one make a Pnina Tornai dress look semi tame. And this wasn't the half of it. In one episode, the bridesmaids literally walked down the aisle in what appeared to be costumes from an adult store, complete with corsets and thigh-high stockings. Adult women and little girls alike are frequently seen dancing very provocatively in revealing clothes, a term which I'm using very loosely. Which is ironic, since everything is skin-tight, cropped and see-through. And this attire isn't seen only at the events - it's all the time. The little girls told the camera in one episode that they learned their moves from hip hop on the telly. Awesome. It's basically like Toddlers and Tiaras on crack.

And speaking of kiddos, here's a First Communion Gown. The poor kid couldn't even walk in it.

I'm totally baffled by the contradiction between good wholesome values on paper and the reality of a society of hooker impersonators drowning in taffeta. Each episode is more ridiculous and over-the-top than the last. Seventy pound gowns, snow owl ring bearers, party buses, Cinderella carriages. Parties that last three days. It's all just... insane. And I, of course, am totally in reality TV trainwreck heaven.

Meal Plan Monday: 5/30

Ah, Memorial Day weekend is over. Holy moly was I ever lazy. We saw friends Saturday night, and my mother-in-law on Sunday evening for dinner, but that's about it. Dan did have to work yesterday, but he was home at 3, just in time to find me freshly showered after a long day of watching TLC and snuggling puggles. Rough life. I almost feel like I wasted it. But no fear, I have a 4 day weekend coming up in just under 4 weeks as my 30th birthday gift to myself. I've got big (or not) plans for wasting those 2 vacation days I'm tacking on to Birthday Weekend (yes, capitals).

So anyway, let's figure out what my lazy butt if cooking this week.

Tuesday: Breakfast for dinner! I think we'll go with french toast, bacon, and eggs. Dan's going to be shocked about this one because I never want breakfast for dinner, but it sounds delicious

Wednesday: Burgers and sweet potato fries

Thursday: Turkey taco salad

Friday: Grilled chicken and broccoli

We tend to go out Friday night, but I'm really making an effort to save our night out for Saturday when we're not tired from the work week and can enjoy it. Even though not cooking Friday night after the week is over is a nice break, I feel like sometimes we're just zombies having a staring contest (or maybe it's just me), and I want us to enjoy our date nights. I'm going to make sure to pick up salad and sandwich fixin's for the rest of the weekend, so I'll make us some extra chicken Friday night to get us through. Then our one meal out will really feel like something special. New perspectives, I've got 'em.

Well, that's a relief!

I had my first appointment yesterday with my new OB/gyn. I was pretty anxious about it all day. On the one hand, I was almost relieved for the day to arrive when I might start getting some answers. On the other hand, I've been braced for bad news. I had talked to girls who've been through this type of appointment and knew that what was likely to happen was a short physical exam (similar to an annual well-woman exam) and quite a few questions about my cycles. I was worried about what she might say about my blood pressure and my weight, but I know they're both things I need to work on, so it's not like it would be a shock to hear they need improvement. I was also worried that she wouldn't be keen or knowledgeable on charting temperatures to confirm ovulation. In talking to some girls who've gone to their OB/gyns about concerns, the doctors weren't receptive to charting and found it a waste of time.

To my wonderful surprise, my doctor was awesome! She was very impressed with my charting and my knowledge of my cycles. She said we were doing everything right, which is always nice to hear. She did a short exam and didn't come up with anything that was a concern. Even my blood pressure gave a fabulous reading. She suggested the exact tests I had in mind: blood work on hormone levels and an HSG for me, and a sperm analysis for Dan. These are pretty standard tests that rule out funky hormones, issues with my anatomy, and poor numbers/motility etc. for Dan's swimmers. My tests have to be done on certain days of my cycle, so I'll have to wait a few weeks to get started, but we have a plan.

If everything comes out normal, luck just hasn't been on our side. We can try a couple meds to give us better chances for conception, but it won't really explain why we haven't yet been successful. Even though I don't want something to be horribly wrong, I almost feel like it would be easier to wrap my mind around a diagnosis like blocked tubes or a low hormone level. That's something we can fix. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Thank you all for your wonderful messages, prayers, thoughts, vibes, and well wishes yesterday and today. It was overwhelming how many people took a moment to let me know they were thinking of me, and that was awesome.

There is one other cute thing to share, and hopefully you don't all think I'm too kooky, but it really was awesome. A group of girls on The Bump's Trouble TTC board had a sock exchange. Why socks? Well, with all this testing and prodding, we're bound to spend time with our feet in stirrups. The idea is that we figured we might as well be awkward in style. So my sock buddy sent me this last week:


Yes, those are cupcake socks, and I wore them to my appointment yesterday. Somehow, knowing they came from someone who's been through this stuff before was a big comfort.