Thermostat wars

If you haven't been reading long enough or if I haven't mentioned it enough, we live in Phoenix, Arizona. It's hot here. Super hot. As in, it was 82 degrees when I got in the car this morning... at 7am. And it's only early June. Temps hit 110 this weekend, and we'll likely stay within 10 degrees of that mark for the next 3 or 4 months.

As you can imagine, the electric company completely takes advantage of this and raises the electricity rates in the summer. Our bill almost doubled from May to June, in part because of higher temperatures, and in part because of the rate hike. Either way, summer is expensive.

And thus the war begins in the Kingston home. In the blue corner, standing 6'5" and sporting colorful skin and a goatee.... Dan Kingston! Fighting for low utility bills and the use of fans. In the red corner, measuring in at 5'5" and waving her hands dramatically in a futile attempt to cool herself.... Brooke Kingston! Arguing for higher bills if it means she doesn't feel like she's being cooked.

I get why my husband takes his stance and wants to keep bills low. Really I do. I remember last summer when our August bill was $360. I remember the fight with the complex about how there was no way there was nothing wrong with the AC unit and that a bill for a 1 bedroom apartment should ever be more than a car payment. I don't want to see our bills ever get that high. I also want to be able to sleep. And maybe, not wake up feeling like I'm going to burst into flames. It gets even worse when I have to start doing my hair. By the time I walk out the door, I feel all melty and disgusting. And remember, people, this is Arizona. "It's a dry heat." That's BS by the way - it doesn't matter when it's over 105 degrees - it's just plain hot. We don't even have to contend with humidity.

I'd always thought it was supposed to be the opposite way around. The wife is supposed to be constantly freezing while the husband throws blankets at her while he attemps to cool himself in his underwear while 6 or 7 fans are aimed directly at him. When the bill arrives, he's supposed to be shocked and baffled by the sticker price while icicles hang from his nose. Not in this castle. Dan seems perfectly content to sleep under a blanket while I sneak the thermostat down a degree at a time and wake up with my hair stuck to my face. Yuck. If I had my way, we'd live at 72 degrees constantly. I'll sign my paycheck and my life away to be comfy.

Thus, I propose a compromise to my dear husband. He will not longer touch the thermostat (like, ever), and I agree to keep it set to 75 when we're at home, and 80 during the day (for the dogs). I'll even buy him a Snuggie if he's still cold. That will avoid me waking up to a 77 degree apartment, and it's a meeting in the middle in terms of the bill. I want to be able to at least sleep in comfort. When we're in the living room, I can get by with fans. But please, sweet Dan, let me sleep comfortably.

Who controls the thermostat at your house?

Memorial Day weekend

Hey there! Wow, hard to believe it's been a whole 5 days since I posted last. I guess that's what happens when people at work don't annoy me and I don't have a wedding to plan :)

We had a great Memorial Day weekend. Dan cleaned my car on Saturday and I took the pups to the dog park, read, cleaned, and napped. When he got home, Dan and I went to see our friends Jenn and Jim and to watch the UFC fights on pay-per-view. Not really my thing, but it was fun to get together with them. We also watched the movie Zombieland. Shocking, right? Me and scary movies generally don't mix. And when I say "scary movies," I include E.T., Jurassic Park, and the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (Augustus Gloop getting sucked up the choclate river tube = terrifying). Yeah, I'm a wuss. But Zombieland was actually funny. I can handle gore without a problem, it's the suspense and jumpy moments I don't with well. This movie had few of those.

On Sunday, we hung out in the morning, ran a couple of errands, and went to lunch with friends at an Irish pub. After a few pitchers of Blue Moon (yum!) we headed home to pick up some movies (including Zombieland). As we'd been out late the night before with no chance to nap (and maybe I had an Irish Car Bomb, maybe) I was crashed out on the couch by 8:30. Yes, people, a a month before my 29th birthday, I'm officially declaring myself "Old."

Monday was a very relaxing day. Dan had to do a job he'd set up, and I lazed around with the pups, did some straightening up and surfed the interwebs. We took it easy when he got home and just enjoyed the extra day off. Very uneventful, but a great way to end the weekend, watching Intervention with my hubby.

Things have been going great with Clover, I must say. The trainer's suggestions have made her potty time much easier on us all. Instead of having to walk her for 20 or 30 minutes until she gave in and did her business, she now knows that when we go outside, there's only one thing we're therefore. It's a lot less stressful. I've been out of the house around 7 every morning, getting me to work nice and early so I can get out at 4 or 4:30 and not feel like I have no time to unwind at home before dinner and then bed. It's much better, all around.

We're going on tour!

One of the wonderful and thoughtful gifts I received for graduation was a trip for two from my parents. It was very exciting to receive, as we have quite a list of places we'd like to visit. Deciding where to go can be difficult for us. We're not beach people, so California and Florida aren't a huge interest. I'd love to go see NYC in the winter and visit Rockefeller Center and the huge tree, but that' a pricey trip. As we're trying to save for our next home (whether it be rented or owned) we wanted something budget friendly. Therefore, a trip to see family would fit the bill. And so we've decided on...

Baltimore!! Charm City, U.S.A! Home of Charm City Cakes, the National Aquarium, the Baltimore Ravens, and my blogging knottie buddy, Salt!! We are definitely meeting up. Oh, and my brother-in-law and future sister-in-law live there too :)

My sister also gifted us money toward a trip to see her and my future brother-in-law (yay!) in Seattle. We'll probably go in mid-September, but we don't have dates hammered out yet. Dan's never been there and I've been there only fairly briefly, so it will be a lot of fun to go together.

We may be stuck in Phoenix for the entire hot, brutal summer, but we've got trips to save for and look forward too. Do you have fun future travel plans this summer?

WTF Wednesday: Horsing Around

I know it's Thursday, so this is technically a belated WTF Wednesday. This is just too good not to share. I present to you a maternity photo I call "Horsing Around"

Say it with me: "What the ...?!" I'd like to know where that little maternity photo shoot went wrong. Whose idea was this? I think in general, maternity shoots are probably the mother-to-be's idea to commemorate her pregnancy, but this had to have been the baby daddy's brilliant plan to have any sort of fun. It's probably retaliation for not getting to have the Star Wars themed wedding he wanted. Someone on a message board actually has this picture as their photo signature. I asked Dan if we can recreate this when our time comes and he pretty much looked at me like I said I wanted to give birth to zombie kittens.

I'm going to pull a Forrest Gump and go with "and that's all I have to say about that."

I better practice my "yeeeehaw!"

I was walking through the office yesterday, mostly minding my own business, when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was a flyer with a tiara. Above it was the word 'Wanted!" Funny, I want a tiara! Kinda of. Just for at home, you know. When I'm feeling a little blue. Just to cheer myself up. Anysparkle, what I saw was this:

Royalty? Hot damn!! Sign me up! I've always wanted to be a queen, especially a pageant queen. Dan doesn't understand my love for the trainwreck that is the TLC show Toddlers and Tiaras and says we absolutely cannot ever enter our daughters in a pageant, but he didn't say anything about me. Loophole!

I immediately took the flyer to my work buddy Michelle to show her. Her face lit up almost as much as mine did. Her cube mate immediately called last year's winner, Peri* to get the deets. We have all sorts of questions, y'all. Like do we have to try out? And is there a swimsuit competition? I'm not wearing a swimsuit, homies. What about a talent? Can being defective and not being able to wink, snap, or whistle be my talent? Alternatively, will they be providing a pool so I can do a synchronized swimming routine chorerographed by my sister? Is there an evening gown portion? I know it's a rodeo, but pageant queens aren't required to ride horses, are they? I mean, I can ride, but that doesn't mean I want to get on a horse in my satin 80's prom gown (because you know that's what I'm gonna wear). Does my wearing a cowboy hat up my chances? Obviously, the 2nd runner up didn't wear one - was that a deciding factor?

Unfortunately, Peri wasn't available, we're waiting on a call back. In the mean time, Michelle and I are practicing our beauty queen wave and brushing up on our current events for the interview portion of the pageant. I'm pretty sure I don't want to say anything stupid and make myself look ridiculous. We've already made appointments at Glamour Shots to get our head shots done with feather boas and hooker makeup. We only have until November to transform ourselves into legit Miss Cliff Garrett Rodeo contestants. This is serious.

I'm going to be a beauty queen, y'all!!

*Peri's last name makes her a color. No joke.

UPDATE: We're completed our list of demands for the dressing room: 2 cases of diet water, 346 blue M&M's, no more and no less than 7.48 ounces of yellow and orange skittles in a 3:2 ratio, and those little sandwiches with the tiny flags on them, at an exactly temperature of 62 degrees. Turkey with no tomato for me, ham with swiss cheese with 4 pickles for Michelle. Also, no looking directly at Michelle and our room must be Navajo white. Of course, no wire hangers!!! That will be all.

Wrecked

OMG, OMG!! Guess who's coming to Tempe, Arizona on a book tour in June? Cake Wrecks, that's who! And who loooooves Cake Wrecks? I do! I'm wicked excited. I love Cake Wrecks. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, I'll tell ya: basically, readers send in pics of professional cakes they find that are just wrong in the most awesome ways. Misspellings, icing that looks like poo, carrot jockies. Cake Wrecks fans have even been known make their own replica or oringinal wrecks to gift to fellow fans. It's simply awesome. And did I mention they're coming to Tempe? Yay! Here's a delicious sample of what the Cake Wrecks blog features on the daily:

My favorite feature is the comparison between what a customer (usually a bride) ordered, and what she got:

See, fabulous and hilarious!

That'd be the cover of the book I'll be having signed on June 21st.

The best part is, they have a contest at their book tour stops. The best cupcake-sized replica of a wreck wins fame and prizes, along with bragging rights.

So, are you a Cake Wrecks fan? Any ideas of which wreck I should try to replicate?

Flashback Friday: Weepuls

Yesterday, my dear friend Natalie emailed me with a question. It seemed she had a new cubemate and needed a name for it. I wasn't sure what I expected to see a picture of when I opened the email, but what I saw was this:

That is a Weepul, everyone. A chicken Weepul (whose name is now Seamus O'Toole, by the way). That Weepul brought back a great memory. One day when I was in elementary school, we were all brought to an assembly in the cafeteria. There was a presentation set up, along with a money machine, microphones, and crazy lights. When the show started, we learned that we were going to fun-raise!!! I don't remember what we were going to sell, but we needed to sell a lot of it. And it was called fun-raising because it was going to be... you guessed it, fun!!

Now, anyone who knows about these school fun-raisers knows that there's always an incentive for reaching goals. Sometimes it's a concert, or lollipops, gold stars, or a chance to go to a local professional sports event. But not with this fun-rasier. Our incentive to hit the street and sell whatever it was we were selling was Weepuls!! Weepuls, people. Craft balls with sticky feet, googly eyes, and tiny clothes. Of course, these were the low end prizes - if we sold enough, we could "buy" stuff with our points like boom boxes and disco lights. The top sellers would get a minute in the money machine to grab as much cash as they could.

Anyfluff, you would not believe the frenzy that started over those darn Weepuls. Our family didn't participate in school fundraisers because we did sports and girl scouts and whatever else and therefore had already tapped out our resources. But, man! I wanted a Weepul so bad. They had animal Weepuls and cop Weepuls, and basketball player Weepuls. They even had the highly-coveted giant Weepuls!! The school went rabid in its quest for freaking Weepuls. I think everyone even forgot there were better prizes than just Weepuls. I remember being in class and admiring my friends' Weepuls. I really wanted the little pink baby Weepul, with it's little bonnet. Eventually, there was a ban on them - they were so distracting, you couldn't have your Weepuls at school anymore. It was really kinda sad. And also very funny, in hindsight.

When I look back on it, the funniest part was that those fun-raiser jokers laughed their happy asses all the way to the freaking bank after making kids sell crap for glorified cotton balls. You have to commend them for it. It's brilliant.

Do you remember Weepuls? Or have you decided by now that I'm sniffing glue?

Ahwatukee: Brooke speak for Awesome

This morning, Salt wrote about her lovely home of Baltimore. It inspired me to write about my own home. My problem is, I kind of have two homes. I grew up in Tucson. It's where I went to school, made friends, and it's where my family still lives. It's artsy, fun, and the epitome of a southwestern community.

But the place drives me a little nuts. It's got only one freeway. The max speed limit is 40 mph. People don't want the city to grow and are completely blind to the fact that it's growing around them. Any effort made to make traffic better gets shot down with a big fat "Don't PHX Tucson!" Most of my time spent in the car there is also spent cursing, clenching my teeth, and generally angry. The people of Tucson pretty much despise Phoenix for the metropolis that it's become. I admit, I had the same mentality... until I moved here five years ago. I first lived in Scottsdale, then Moon Valley, Deer Valley, and then Central Phoenix. And then, I move to the greatest place of all... Ahwatukee.

Ahwatukee is a great little neighborhood in Southern Phoenix. It's technically Phoenix, but is known by it's own name, like the fancy areas of NYC like the Meat Packing District. It's known as the world's largest cul-de-sac because it has few access points (only 2 exits off the freeway) and is bordered by the Gila River Indian Community to the South and the South Mountain Park to the North. Even though it's not true, I've heard some people joke that Ahwatukee is Navajo for "South Scottsdale" and that the community sprung up because people couldn't afford or grew bored of Scottsdale and moved South. The reality is that it's Crow for "land on the other side of the hill," referencing South Mountain. You're welcome for the history lesson.

What I love about Ahwatukee is the convenience. We literally have everything we could possibly need within 5 minutes. We have every major store, restaurants, hospitals, golf courses, and the town itself is really just beautiful. Seriously, I have Hobby Lobby, Michael's and Joann Fabrics on 3 of the 4 corners of my closest intersection. It's heaven. There are wide sidewalks up and down most of the area's streets, making running and biking very nice. South Mountain offers hiking and mountain biking trails. Thanks to the numerous golf courses, we also see a ton of golf carts. It's also really close to Chandler and Tempe, making going to Dave & Buster's and Chandler Fashion Square convenient. Because the neighborhood borders the Gila River reservation, we're also only 3 minutes from 2 brand new casinos. Cha-ching! We're also only 12 minutes from the airport and only about an hour and a half from Tucson, making trips for us and my parents very easy.

The downside to the awesomeness of Ahwatukee is the real estate market. It's currently too rich for our blood. Our apartment is a steal, people. I seriously don't know how we got so lucky. Unfortunately, the chances that we'll be able to stay in the neighborhood are slim to none. But I intend to enjoy it's beauty and conveniences until the end of March. I can only hope we find another neighborhood that has a lot of what Ahwatukee has to offer. And if nothing else, we'll have great memories of our first year of marriage here.

Heidi, take the blue pill

I don't begin to fancy myself as a recapper, but seriously, WTF The Hills? I admit, I was addicted to Laguna Beach when it came out eons ago, back when a girl named Lauren had a crush on a boy named Stephen (whom I served salad to, BTW). And now I'm addicted to The Hills. I feel bad for Kristin though - she gets everyone's sloppy seconds, from Lauren's show to Justin Bobby. But even more uncomofrtable to watch than Audrina and Krisitn fight over that tool Brody Jenner is the trip to Crazy Town that Heidi and Spencer Pratt are currently on.

So it was cute when they used to walk around Hollywood and pose and pout about stuff for attention.

It was cute when Heidi fancied herself a singer and squawked around on the beach like a seagull for her music video, shot with Spencer's cell phone camera.

It was even semi-cute when Heidi went and got her first round of plastic surgery. She did look more polished as Heidi 2.0. But now, they have gone off the deeeeep end, folks. Especially with the dawning of Heidi 3.0. Here's a little before and after on our dear Heidi. You can't tell, but she has size F tatas. EFFFsss!! On a tiny 115 pound frame.

But now she's shocked us all again. Last night's episode had them at a club talking about crystals and their powers. By powers, I mean Heidi had a crystal that could reportedly help her open her mind to intelligent people while protecting her in a war zone. Riiiight. And, Spencer is proud of the fact that he's cut her off from the TV, internet, and phone, and all she does is write poetry, pray, and play with puppies. She's been "unplugged from the Matrix." Even more disturbing, Heidi sits down with her friends after their night at the club and said that "every guy likes to be a little controlling and that's okay." It's no surprise that it's being publicized that Spencer forced the surgeries on her. Ummmm... is anyone else concerned?

I realize that this is "reality" television and a lot of Heidi and Spencer's antics are easily publicity stunts, but how is this being allowed to go on? Surgery isn't like acting crazy - this stuff can't be undone. Surely, this is going to far, and MTV is glorifying it. And why do I find it so entertaining? Shamefully, I'm still hopelessly glued to the TV on Tuesdays to see how much crazier they can get. Anyone else?

Clover and Paisley decorate their crate

It's no surprise that Clover and Paisley get into things. I've gone through about 30 pairs of flip flops in the 2 years since Paisley came to live with me. Clover loves to go for really fun stuff, like phone chargers that happen to still be plugged into the wall. They also enjoy the fine art of shredding paper and "killing" their stuffed animal friends. We've banned fluffy toys in the house since Paisley's illness since even though she didn't have a bowel obstruction, the scare of potential surgery was enough to make me go all Mommy Dearest "No fluffy toys!" on their little puggle asses. So you can imagine the mini heart attack I had when I came home to this yesterday:

Those are our little darlings sitting amongst the entire contents of their dog bed that we keep in Mega Crate. Yeeeeah, awesome. I waited for Dan to get home before starting on the clean-up of that one. Sure enough, he started picking up the fluff. Lo and behold, he discovered that they hadn't ripped the bed open, they'd unzipped it. So thankfully, we didn't have to buy a new bed, but we now know that we have magic dogs that unzip things. We're officially screwed.